i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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