She is in my trunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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