never play flip cup with pint glasses
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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