After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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