Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
