My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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