Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
