She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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