grandma shit on top of the toilet
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
