Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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