Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
