shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize