went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
