you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize