so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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