My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
