its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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