Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
