So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
