We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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