After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
