you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
