I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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