You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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