no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize