DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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