Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's always time for handjobs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
