oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
