he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I would ride that face into the sunset
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
