She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
