So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
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he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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