she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
