if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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