imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I AM VODKA MAN
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
