Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
