where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
