If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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