I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
