Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
