smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
