I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
