yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
