I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
