Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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