i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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