she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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