Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
