Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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