Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
