i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need water and some morals
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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