I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
