I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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