Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
