also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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