She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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