I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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