my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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