last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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