Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
