I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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