The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
