This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
