do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
