Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i've created a new STD.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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