Is it normal to miss your booty call?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
