Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
