Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
